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Make a difference in a child’s future by becoming their father figure
Church in the Community - Media Release in the Herald: 9th September 2024
Those of us who have a father who plays or played a positive and active role in our lives are among the fortunate few.
The significant impact of a loving father figure influences our lives for many years, even after they are no longer with us.
We often long to sit down with them again, especially when we have to make difficult decisions.
We miss their advice, or just hearing from them one last time that they are proud of us. We have the luxury of dwelling in those memories so that their words can continue to resonate in our minds for another day.
But what about those In South Africa who don't have this privilege?
Around 70 per cent of children today grow up in South Africa in homes without their biological fathers. Of those who do have biological fathers, many are not playing an active role in their lives.
The consequences of growing up in such a household are well-researched and documented.
But for many, there is light at the end of this tunnel. Many uncles, grandfathers, coaches, teachers, and community leaders step up as positive male role models for these children.
They are “social fathers”.
This is an incredible opportunity for men to play a life-changing role in the lives of children who don't have fathers.
How does it work? There are many options to be a social father to a child who is not yours biologically.
Let us consider some of them.
As a relative. This individual could be an uncle, grandfather, older brother, cousin, or another family member deeply committed to the well-being of one or more children in their family.
This commitment is often lifelong.
Or it can be a mentor to a boy or a girl who may not have a father figure in his or her life.
This is often a short-term commitment that demands little but still important input. It can for instance be a coach of a soccer team for young boys.
It can also be a friend of a family who provides support and guidance to that family's children. This commitment is often occasional.
Another option is to be a co-parent, without any family ties, by sharing parenting responsibilities with the child's biological parents or caregivers.
This is usually more of a long-term commitment that requires personal sacrifices.
And then there are community organisations that support children and families in various ways.
This is a more formal support system and is usually the result of being formally requested. Many non-governmental organizations play this role.
It can also be someone who becomes a stepfather by marrying the child's mother.
This can be a very effective scenario but also has its unique challenges and drawbacks. Also, in this case it is a lifelong commitment.
And then there are role models who have a positive influence on a child's life, even if not in a traditional fatherly role.
These include coaches, teachers, and people from faith communities like pastors, Sunday school teachers, and youth workers.
The possibilities are numerous, and the involvement of these social fathers can have a positive impact on many children's lives.
But it is not only personal involvement that turns the tide around!
The importance of networking and collaboration among fathers cannot be overstated when it comes to positively impacting their children's lives and their communities.
And here churches and community organizations can play a major role.
Embracing the principles of Ubuntu, which emphasize interconnectedness and community, is essential for effective fatherhood.
Promoting a deep passion for fatherhood and recognizing the positive impact it can have on children's lives is crucial.
It is also important to recognize the significance of restoring fathers who may have been absent or distant from their families.
Promoting unity within families and building a strong sense of family and community spirit is key to nurturing a healthy environment for children to grow.
“Fathers Matter” is a new campaign that uses the power of story to support the positive and active role of fathers or men in the lives of children.
It is an initiative of Heartlines, the Centre for Values Promotion.
Fathers Matter seeks to Build awareness and create a national conversation about why fathers matter in the lives of children to enable that supportive environment so desperately needed.
Building on the success of six short films, the Fathers Matters Ambassadors Conferences are being rolled out across the country.
This event and the films highlight the importance of fathers in children's lives, especially those without fathers.
The conferences aim to discuss the importance of fatherhood, share fatherhood stories, brainstorm solutions to fatherhood challenges, and create safe spaces for men to share and learn.
It is not only for men as many women have attended these conferences.
They are interactive events allowing delegates to share their successes, failures, and experiences in their journey of father and parenthood.
They provide an opportunity for healing, as many men journey through life with numerous emotional wounds from the past.
The next conference will be coming to Gqeberha, although with limited capacity.
But, you do not have to attend a conference before making a difference in a child’s life.
There are various ways to become involved in establishing a positive and active presence in the lives of children who are in desperate need of it.
Contact Heartlines for information and resources that can help you to fulfil that role.
Pierre van Wyk
of Heartlines: pierre@heartlines.org.za
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